Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Oh Baby Baby it's a Wildwood.

            “Yes, thank you. Yes, I got the email just now. Okay, thanks again. Bye.” Lauren had been on the phone for the last 20 minutes trying to cancel their motel reservation without being charged. She had been awake for approximately half an hour and was already ready for a nap. There was a tapping at her window, and she turned to see her father starring at her. “How’d it go?” he asked loudly through the glass. Lauren rolled down the window, “Fine, no charge.” She said, and her father looked relieved. “Listen, you’d better go inside. I think your mother’s in love.”
            Lauren let out a breath and smiled, as she rolled up the window. She turned off the car and followed her father into the motel office across the street. Actually she followed him to the wrong side of the motel before he remembered which direction the office was actually in. The motel they originally booked had turned out to be in receivership. The pool was drained and there was no television and her mother would have none of that. This had been their third attempt of the morning, and she was glad to hear Nancy was satisfied at last.
            “Lauren! Glad you could join us.” The manager greeted her as they entered the lobby. She laughed to herself, not questioning why he already knew her name. Her parents left an impression wherever they went and, while that could definitely be annoying, it always provided some decent entertainment.
            “Glad to be here!” she smiled back at him. “So,” she turned to her mother, “What’s the plan?” Nancy turned and beamed at her. “Two separate rooms, televisions in both, fold out queen couch in yours. TV works. We can’t check in until two, but we can use the pool anytime. And free parking! Plus it’s the same price as that shitty first motel you found for us.” Ouch. Actually she had found the hotel through booking, and they had neglected to inform everyone with a reservation of the motels current situation, hence the free refund. But she had learned a long time ago to let her mothers cheap shots go. It was just the way Nanc was.
            “Done!” Lauren said, handing her credit card to the lady behind the counter. “Dad, you should probably move the car, unless you put money in the meter. There’re some spots right out here.” She said pointing out the window to her left. “Sounds good.” He said walking into the door before realizing you had to pull it open. There was a fifty percent chance he wouldn’t find the spot, but Phil was a man who needed to stay busy, and she was willing to risk it.
            As Lauren filled out the paperwork Nanc handed her some cash for half the price of the original motel. A few minutes later Phil came back inside saying, “Hun, I couldn’t find a spot, were are they again?” Lauren looked at the three empty spots outside the window, then back to her father. The motel manager smiled and smoothly stepped in. Nothing but the best for the Pappas’s, come on Phil, you can have my personal spot. Phil looked ecstatic. ‘Well played sir,’ Lauren thought to herself as she finished up at the desk. Signing the receipt she noticed the bill was a hundred dollars more then the previous place, but shrugged it off. Everyone seemed happy, and that in itself was worth a hundred bucks.
            Her father and the manager came back in laughing as the lady behind the desk handed her the key cards. “Now,” Nanc said, “Where can I get a margarita?” The lady behind the desk gave them several options. “But they’re probably not open yet,” she said. Nancy looked incredulous, “Why not?” she scoffed. “Because it’s 9:30 in the morning.” The manager said. Lauren met his eyes and they both laughed. “Come on, let’s walk a little, we’ll find a place.” Lauren said, escorting her parents out the door and in the direction of the boardwalk. She smiled to herself as they set off into the unknown.

XXX

            “Excuse me, can you spray my feet?” Nanc asked the pool boy who was spraying off the side of the building. They had just walked the boardwalk until 11 when the bars opened, then took a stroll on the beach after a couple cocktails. “Huh?” the pool boy asked. Lauren met her father’s eyes and they shook their heads. “They’re sandy,” she said, pulling her perfectly pedicured foot out of her flipflop and pointing it at the man’s hose. Understanding dawned on the pool boy’s face and he began spraying off her foot. “Real classy hun.” Her father said laughing. “Come on kid, let’s go see if the room’s ready.” He said, putting a hand on her back. She led him to the motel office, leaving her mom to freshen up on her own.

XXX

            “How long does it take you to get out of the car?” Her father stared down at her mother as Lauren walked around the car and met them on the curb. They had finished settling into the room and decided to drive down to Cape May for dinner. “I don’t want to put money in the meter until you’re out or we’ll loose half an hour.”
            “Charming Phil,” her mother said as she once again tried to stand up to no avail. Lauren looked down at her mother’s struggle, “Your seatbelts still on,” she said. Her mother looked down at the contraption, “Oh.” She said, unbuckling the device. “I thought that was my purse strap.” She met Lauren’s eyes and they both laughed. Phil rolled his eyes and started putting the coins in the meter.

XXX

Lauren opened her eyes as the door to the room closed shut and her dad entered balancing three cups of coffee. “Morning!” He yelled in the direction of the other room so Nanc could hear. “It’s warm outside. Overcast but not raining!” He began mixing sugar and cream into the first coffee.
“Is it cold outside?!”  Nancy yelled from the other room. “No, it’s warm!” he yelled back putting sugar and cream into the next coffee. “Is it raining?!” Nanc yelled out to them. Lauren starting giggling, “Nope not raining!” Phil yelled back, amusement in his voice. He laughed, and turning to her, “How do you take your coffee kid?” “Black.” She said, stretching and sitting up. “Black, that’s right.” He said then turned around and poured a creamer into the last coffee. He handed it to her and she smiled up at him. “Oh.” He said, and they both burst into laughter again.
“I brought pastries back!” Phil yelled into the other room. “And bagels!” He was cut off as Nanc stretched loudly while yelling, “Oh GOD!” Phil turned to his daughter. “Probably shouldn’t have mentioned the bagels.” This sent them into another fit of giggles.

            “Why do you keep laughing at me?” Nanc called from the next room. “It’s cause you can’t hear us!” Lauren shouted back taking a sip of coffee with cream. “What?!” she yelled back, which just made them laugh harder. Phil shook his head, “I’d better go in there.” “Good luck.” Lauren said as he grabbed a cup of the counter and left the room.  A minute later she heard her mother say, “Why is there sugar in my coffee Phil? We’ve been married 40 years.”

Saturday, July 8, 2017

The 15 Year Prom Grudge

            It was 9:30 when I heard my mom’s footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned to her as her eyes began adjusting to the light. “Oh, you’re still down here,” She said while walking over to the bed and lying down next to me. “Yup,” I said, trying to shake off my grogginess just enough to comprehend what she was saying but not so much that I couldn’t get back to sleep soon after. “The Misar’s are having a BBQ around two this afternoon and Barbara has specially requested your attendance.”
            This was weird, but not unusual for Nanc. Sometimes she got these ideas into her head and would start to act serious and adopt a slightly formal speech pattern because of them. At 33 years old I could tell something was amiss and that I wanted nothing to do with it. “I have work.” I said, turning my head back into the pillow. She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “But not until 6. You could stop be for a little…” Then after a brief pause she said, “Is it because Darren will be there?”
I wasn’t sure where that came from. Darren Misar and I had run in the same circle of friends for approximately half a year while we were seniors in high school.  We had met maybe twice since then and, from my perspective, had always been cordial to each other. We weren’t friends.  It would be the equivalent to running into someone from high school you hadn’t seen in a while on the street, catching up for a few minutes, and then moving on with your lives without really sparing them another thought.  “No. Why would I care about that?” I asked, confused.
“Well, you just never seem to want to go over to their house.” She said, and she was right. I never wanted to go over to their house, because I would be bored out of my mind with nothing to do but make small talk. A past time I have neither enjoyed nor perfected. Daren Misar wasn’t even a blip on my radar.
“Can’t you just tell them I have work earlier?” I asked into the pillow. “I’m really not up for socializing today.” I had been gone for the better part of the weekend and it was a legitimate excuse.
“I’ll tell them you have work at 2, but next time I really want you to make an effort to come,” she said, getting up from the bed.
“Okay,” I responded, knowing that was never going to happen.
“It’s almost 12,” she called from the steps, “You should probably get up soon.”
I rolled over and picked up my phone: 9:37. I rolled onto my back trying to understand what just happened but quickly came to the realization that I didn’t care, there was no explanation for it, and there was no way I could get back to sleep.
I went upstairs to make some coffee, and passed a wall length window on my way to the kitchen. My dad was sitting on the ground hammering a brick into an empty space in the patio about an inch away from it. I knew I startled him when he looked up at me, so I smiled and waved. He gave me a big goofy grin and waved back, then went back to arranging the bricks in the hole. I snapped a picture and sent it to my two sisters, one blood related and the other everything but. The photo said #dadAquarium. 
This initiated a chat back and forth for a bit that finally lead to this conversation:

Kate:               So I’m in the car with my parents coming back from a wedding in VA. Some interesting conversations are happening.

Me:                  I can only imagine.

Kate:               Apparently you mom thinks you still have a grudge against Darren Misar for not taking you to prom?!

Danielle:         What?

Me:                  Did I ask him to prom? This explains why she woke me up at 9:30 to tell me that Barbara really wanted me to go to their BBQ today and that it was almost noon and I should get up.

Me:                  Everything was a lie!

Kate:               a) Did this really happen?
                        b) When was the last time you thought about it?

Me:                  Exactly!!

Kate:               Yes, this is exactly why. Today’s BBQ.

Me:                  I politely declined. Plus I have work tonight.

Kate:               Apparently she already told Barbara you wouldn’t go for this reason.

Me:                  Uh oh, the work reason or her mentally fabricated one?

Kate:               The prom story.
                        I’m dying laughing right now!!!

Me:                  Haha!! Well, whatever.

Kate:               Why is she talking about prom, is there any back-story here?

Me:                  I don’t know!!!

Me:                  Darren and I ran in the same group for a few months, but I’m pretty sure he was dating my friend Jamie. Also I’m gay.

Kate:               Well obviously you wanted him!

Me:                  Clearly.

Kate:               Anyone can tell from that story.

Danielle:         OMG, what? Why would a person who doesn’t like men hold such a grudge?

Me:                  Ha! Why would anyone hold this grudge?

Kate:               It’s just something you never get over…

Me:                  I’m so writing a novel about my life. This will def be in it.

Danielle:         My fake boyfriend rejected me from the prom!

Me:                  Not even: The boy I secretly wanted to be my fake boyfriend rejected me from the prom!

Me:                  Also that’s the book’s title.

Kate:               I’d read it.

Danielle:         I guess it’s less painful then “My kids think your kids suck.”

Kate:               I want to read you book then read the rival interpretation by Nanc.

Me:                  Oh my god, yes!!

Danielle:         Hahaha, I think mom’s bored from being retired and since there’s no work drama she needs to create her own.

Kate:               Nailed it, D.

Me:                  Ha! Exactly.


The conversation ended and tried to think back 15 years to my senior prom. I went with Jason, and flamboyantly gay man (though less so at the time), who was probably as closeted as I was. Well at school anyway. I laughed to myself, because this situation was just ridiculous. My family may be crazy, but it certainly kept life interesting.